The Essence of Care

Shortly after I started NHS BLOG DOCTOR, I wrote two articles on “Hospital at Night”. Hospital at night is a New Labour panjandrum designed to capitalise on a disaster; to pretend to the general public that the absence of doctors in NHS hospitals after five o’ clock in the evening is a learning experience, a chance to bond.

This was when we first met “Sue and Dave” who were “Team Building” to ensure that “everyone’s got a picture of the night at Arrowe Park Hospital”

It was the most cringe-making, otiose, sententious load of meaningless codswallop I had ever come across, or would ever wish to come across. Those of you who are not familiar with it, should take a quick look here.

I am aghast to find that “Sue and Dave” have been surpassed. Not just surpassed. In comparison to the new document I have been shown, “getting a picture of the night at Arrowe Park Hospital” reads like a proposition from Wittgenstein.

I refer to the Essence of Care.

You know you are going to be in trouble when you read the mission statement.

“Essence of Care is about improving the patient’s experience and outcomes through their healthcare journey.”

Oh! God, another “journey”.

Meet the Essence of Care team. Yes, they are a team. And they have a toolkit. Honestly!

Sarah Squire : Director of Patient Experience

Patrick Hill : Acting Director of Patient Experience

Monica Clark : Patient consultant (or do they mean Consultant Patient?)

Kathy Dickinson : Associate Director

Hi guys!

Director of "Patient Experience". Think about it. What does it mean?

Now sit back and enjoy Essence of Care, in all its glory, here. Look at the Eurekas. Particularly the first one. Lovers of the English language may lose the will to live before they have finished. Students of obfuscation, window dressing, tautology and fraudulent sociospeak will be in their element.

What does Dr Crippen think?

He thinks that Sarah, Pat, Monica and Kathy should get their jackets off, role up their sleeves, put some patients on bedpans, wipe their bottoms, turn them every two hours and make sure they are actually able to eat the food that is put in front of them.

Dr Crippen does not know what they are all paid, but bets that most of them will be on over £30,000 a year, plus pension, plus car.

Could this document help explain why the billions that New Labour has poured into the NHS have not brought about any improvement in Health Care?

Would anyone like to hazard a guess at the cost of this programme?

And finally, a challenge. Can anyone find Dr Crippen a NHS document sillier than "Essence of Care"?